You don't want to be Todd Martens

Writes some stuff for the LAT. Seeks board game partners. Cubs fan. Beer geek. Adores Chicago. In favor of dilly-dallying. Some personal stories may be exaggerated. I exaggerate. This isn't work.

toddmartens AT gmail dot com.

@toddmartens

'Do you faint here often?'

I had until Friday, 2:55 p.m., to ask out Andrea. That was the deadline I set on Sunday night. I outlined the consequences of missing this deadline in a notebook, during the commercial breaks of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.” 

Since this was a self-imposed assignment, with no one to enforce whether or not it was actually carried out, the consequences of greeting 2:56 p.m. on Friday without asking out Andrea had to be very real. 

The regulations set by the 16 year-old me were as follows:

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My readers! Kate Charnas seems to know me pretty well.

My readers! Kate Charnas seems to know me pretty well.

"I want to go to the bank, and if I wait longer than I’m supposed to, or someone cuts in front of me, I want to be able to say, ‘Hey, that’s not right. Go to the back of the line.’ Right now, I can’t do that." — Teri Suaréz, Butcherette
Photo: Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times

"I want to go to the bank, and if I wait longer than I’m supposed to, or someone cuts in front of me, I want to be able to say, ‘Hey, that’s not right. Go to the back of the line.’ Right now, I can’t do that." — Teri Suaréz, Butcherette

Photo: Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times

Pfeiffer Martens | May 19, 2000 - March 21, 2012
Another lifetime has passed without a Cubs World Series. 
In all seriousness, I don’t know how to be without her. When it comes to socializing, I most often prefer not to, and Pfeiffer was in many ways all I had out here in L.A.

Pfeiffer Martens | May 19, 2000 - March 21, 2012

Another lifetime has passed without a Cubs World Series.

In all seriousness, I don’t know how to be without her. When it comes to socializing, I most often prefer not to, and Pfeiffer was in many ways all I had out here in L.A.


Wild Belle. One of the better bands I saw in Austin. 

I still need to cover this tattoo. Thanks to Jim Testa for pointing me in the direction of this comic. 

I still need to cover this tattoo. Thanks to Jim Testa for pointing me in the direction of this comic. 

F-you, Sony. 

I wanna see! Read the first book at the animal hospital this weekend. Loved it. 

We start chemotherapy on Monday. Here’s hoping two in the Martens’ Hollywood household can beat cancer.

We start chemotherapy on Monday. Here’s hoping two in the Martens’ Hollywood household can beat cancer.